It's all unfolding
Savoring the rewards that come from hard work and patience
The White Cape is a newsletter that shares the interests, evolution, and changing perspective of my little white Cape Cod-style home, and the people (mostly me) inside it.
This week’s things:
Books:
The Women by Kristin Hannah - I am late to the party on this book but all I can say is, wow. Set in the 1960s-70s, Frankie leaves her wealthy California upbringing to enlist in the Army as a nurse after her brother is killed in action in Vietnam. She spends two tours becoming a skilled and impactful surgical nurse, saving the lives of hundreds of soldiers and civilians. When she returns home, she is floored by America’s lack of respect for and acknowledgment of the impact of women in the war. She struggles with mental health and addiction for years, ultimately crawling her way out of heartbreak and sadness. Hannah did what she does best in this book—take the reader through a period of history through the eyes of the ones who lived it. I cannot recommend this book enough.
I'll Have What She's Having: How Nora Ephron's Three Iconic Films Saved the Romantic Comedy by Erin Carlson (Audiobook) - I am making my way through this audiobook and find it charming and fun. Carlson examines the interwoven details of Nora Ephron’s impact on the romantic comedy film genre through the development of her three iconic films, When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless In Seattle, and You’ve Got Mail.
TV:
Bad Sisters on Apple TV - I had been hearing about this show everywhere so I broke down and purchased a (probably temporary) subscription to Apple TV and dove in. Four sisters conspire to kill their absolutely horrible brother-in-law and save their fifth sister from obvious abuse. Despite the heavy plot, it is very light and fun.
And just like that, it’s all unfolding
I’ve shared on numerous occasions here how I’ve spent the past year dreaming of, and at times obsessing over, what comes next. The majority of 2024 was spent examining the different areas of my life and feeling ready for more. I wanted to elevate myself in every way: through my clothes, my car, my work, my house, my family, my maturity, my intelligence, my contributions. I could see that what I had was working, and I was ready for growth.
There were also many months that were spent working toward specific milestones that would take me to the next level, and getting denied. Despite doing everything I had control of, reaching these milestones were in the hands of other people. I have described my challenge with control a few times now, especially when the control is in the hands of authority. I had no choice but to sit, breathe, and wait for the good news to trickle in.
During this period of “in-between” I really honed in on how I was feeling in my body. In the past, I would let my anxiety completely run its course. I would spiral, I would not sleep, I would feel a never-ending spike of energy that needed to be expelled. This is how I used to operate daily: I would feel wired and shaky and on edge, ready to burst at any moment.
The only way to feel better physically was to exercise. On the outside it would appear that I was pushing myself too much, that I was forcing my way to a level of fitness that was for vanity or bragging rights. Those two things were factors, for sure, but they were not the underlying motivation for my compulsive exercise. If I spent a day with the fire that was brewing inside me, I would explode.
This is why I am so proud of the way I handled myself in 2024. Looking back, while there weren’t major milestones reached that can be checked off of a nice list, there were milestones reached within myself regarding the way I handled the pressure inside me. And even better, I was aware in the moment of the way I was reacting to my internalized discomfort, and felt proud of myself for not letting it take over my entire being.
From: Get to Know Me Better Through 25 Questions on September 23, 2024:
What is your biggest weakness?
Maintaining my composure when I am, in fact, not in control of my destiny. I am feeling this ever so strongly these days, as I am awaiting very large life milestones that I have no ability to influence. Normally in these situations I completely spiral. As someone who has struggled with a diagnosed anxiety disorder for most of my life, I am triggered by an inability to do anything about getting the thing that I want. I have hinted at seriously struggling throughout my first year postpartum last year, after experiencing a significant change to my life, family health issues, death, and an overwhelming hormonal imbalance.
After reaching rock-bottom, I have made a conscious effort to control my thoughts, reactions, and emotions. When I can’t control what’s happening outside of me, I focus on what I can control inside. Historically this would spiral into disordered eating. I would be lying if I said that I haven’t revisited old ED patterns these past few months, but I have not completely lost myself in them, which is something.
Each day, when I feel a fire start to build deep in my stomach, I take a breath and say out loud: “The way you feel in your body will not impact what happens in the real world.” And so, I have tried to Let It Unfold. The progress and growth I’ve made in this area of my life is so profound, I cannot help but feel immense pride in myself for the composure I’ve held during this uncertain time.
Being on the other side now feels even more satisfying because of the way I handled myself before. I was calm and in control of my emotions, despite feeling like I was being tested at every turn. In a quick series of events, and seemingly out of the blue, I reached each of the milestones I was waiting for.
I bought a new car - Okay, this one was entirely within my control. We knew it was time to upgrade my 2017 Subaru and needed extra space for our family. We didn’t want to buy a new car for no reason, so we were waiting to become pregnant. When that wasn’t happening, we took advantage of an amazing financing deal and took the plunge on a new Volkswagen Atlas.
This was the first time in my life that I did the negotiating, I did the transaction, and I purchased something big in my name. It was empowering to be able to go through the process so smoothly, ultimately getting a great trade-in value on my old car, and leaving the dealership with a beautiful, top-of-the-line product. It was a testament to the hard work I’ve put in over the past five years, and the successes I’ve gained as a result.
We got approved to renovate our garage - Where to even begin. Our house has no basement, which was fine for a while but has quickly become a problem with a child and adults that work from home. As a concession to no basement, we bought our house with the understanding that the enormous detached garage in our back yard would be renovated and converted into office, play, exercise, and storage space.
The two-story structure is 75% of the size of our actual house, and sits right on our property line. Since this was built in 1950, it no longer complies with the zoning codes that were updated in 2016, and therefore our renovation plans got denied by the city. We needed to go through multiple rounds of bureaucratic escalations, and put together a written report explaining why we qualify for a variance. We began the process in February and fought throughout the year until finally, in mid-October, we received a written determination that we can proceed with our plans.
This kicked things into high gear: we could pursue a loan and get the actual permits needed to begin the work. Here we are in mid-January, our loan successfully went through and we are still waiting on permits, but breaking ground seems so close we can taste it.
I got promoted at work and will be leading a team - This has been my biggest work goal for the past four years. I was on the path to people leadership on multiple occasions and on multiple teams, and got screwed over each time by the “system.” I have said it once and I will say it again: the American system was designed for women to fail.
I was unfairly passed up for a promotion and management due to my first maternity leave, and despite a heavy negotiation that turned out on my side, it became clear that could happen again. I was angry, upset, and disappointed, but then quickly surprised and delighted when I learned that I did, in fact, deserve a promotion this cycle. Rewarded is not a strong enough word for how I feel about this accomplishment.
I became pregnant - The biggest and most fulfilling milestone of all, on the day we received the approval to move forward on our garage, I also finally had a positive pregnancy test. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, and as a result, my pregnancy with my daughter was riddled with uncontrollable anxiety. This time, though, I have been staying true to myself and have been calm, at peace, and excited. I had an incredibly rough first trimester, but very quickly came out of it at around 11 weeks and have been feeling great since. We are grateful that all of the genetic testing has come back normal, and ultrasound scans have been clear and healthy. We are also thrilled to know that we are having a baby boy, something we’ve been dreaming of forever.
It’s pretty amazing to look at my 2024 goals and my reflection on the year, and see just how much has changed in such a short amount of time. I am able to pivot my perspective on 2025 now, knowing that I have reached two major milestones at work that set me up for a strong first half of the year, and then I can sink into the summer on maternity leave, while learning how to become a mother of two.
Life is a wild ride, and if anything, I am proud of the way I’ve handled myself over the past year. I hope this growth and maturity can continue forward as I face the inevitable challenges that are to come.
As always, thank you for being here.
Kelly
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